How much is too much?

Before I say anything else I need to get this out there: I am incredibly grateful that I have a job that pays my bills, not everyone is that lucky.
But there are days, more and more frequently, when I find myself wondering if it’s worth it. When I come home late at night after working 11½-13 hours, with a bone-deep ache in my body and completely drained of energy, only to do it all again the next day. The past two weeks or so have been a cycle of working three full days, having one off, and I’m feeling the strain. While my mind is happy to stay a child, my body is quite forcefully reminding me that it no longer belongs to a teenager and can’t handle the break-neck pace it used to. My sleep-schedule is shot, I haven’t been able to sleep a full night, without waking up at least once, in weeks and I’ve lost what little appetite I had. I find myself struggling to keep up with the regulars, my attention drifting more easily than usual and I frequently lose track of what I was doing. Luckily I have a three-day weekend off starting tomorrow, and I’m gonna use it fully to recharge my batteries. Maybe if I sleep for three days this constant tiredness will finally leave. Here’s hoping.

Oh, and have a wonderful Easter everyone!

Darkness of the Mind

When you’ve woken up several days in a row with a nagging and insistent headache, you can more or less figure out from the get-go that the day ahead is not gonna be pleasant. I have yet to be proven wrong.

I like my job most of the time. While it’s mentally and socially draining, leaving me with little to no energy in the evenings, our regulars and my co-workers usually make it worth it.

Then there are days like yesterday. When headache-induced nausea is your constant companion and you (vividly) imagine yourself setting the place on fire just to be able to leave early. When you really want to scratch the eyes out of the head of one of your more annoying regulars, but you’re forced to smile and be polite because that is your damn job.

And days like today is a different beast all together. When you’re planning to sleep in and do nothing for the day, and your phone wakes you up at 7am because your boss has a migraine… Again… She only needed me to cover until 2pm, which is a small blessing because it meant I could take the bus, but it disrupted my day enough that I was exhausted when I got to work. I know that I really shouldn’t have gotten out of bed when people start telling me that I look really tired and start asking me if I’m okay. I have been working with a constant headache for days and nobody noticed a thing, but I can’t hide a slight case of tiredness? That’s definitely not good. I managed to pull myself together when the clock approached noon, but that is too late. It is not something that I usually have to do consciously, it manages itself as soon as opening time approaches, but not days like this. I’m just hoping that I will get my full day off tomorrow, or I’m afraid that our customers will have to be served by a complete zombie and that just isn’t on.