Getting things back on track

So, a lot of things have been going on in my life, but things are starting to slow down and click into place. So it’s time to slow down and take a good look at what’s been going on these past months.

Work

I changed jobs this year and I honestly think that’s the best decision I made in years! No more 12 hour shifts, and a lot less taking the job home with me because of too much responsibility. I’m really liking it at the new place so far, though I miss some of the people from the old one. Regulars and co-workers that I had grown close to, but it’s not like I’ll never see them. I have phone-numbers to several of them and have met a few outside of work. So it works out well. My new co-workers are good people as well, at least from what I’ve been able to tell, and I don’t think I’m wrong. All in all, this was a big step in the right direction for me, hopefully I can let go of some of the exhaustion that had become associated with work and find the fun in it again.

Driving

I’ve been working hard for some time, failing once, but finally managed to pass my driver’s test. Which means that I am officially abandoning my scooter in favor of a car, and I couldn’t be happier about it! I’ve been wanting to get rid of that headache inducing piece of shit for years, it’s never worked quite like it should. So that’s another big step in the right direction for my life, no more scooter-driving in the middle of winter! That should help keep my health more stable when it’s cold out, which is a good thing.

Writing

The first part of my Tales of Gaile series is coming along great (yes, I’m well aware that I’ve said that several times before) and the draft is currently in the hands of M for a critical read-through. It’s terrifying, but necessary and hopefully they won’t rip it into too many shreds. It’s the first time someone else is allowed to read the whole thing and not just the first chapter, so my nerves are a little frayed at the edges because of it. It’s my 7-year-old baby after all, I’m a bit protective of it.

I also really want to go back to my blogging roots, and start rambling about TV shows and things like that again. There are so many things that I’ve wanted to talk about but haven’t gotten around to, and it’s quickly piling up. I already have a few ideas of what I want to do, so it’s just a matter of actually putting it together into something readable.

All in all my life seems to be on its way of pulling itself together, something that has been badly needed for a long time. It’s been a jumbled mess for far too long, and it’s time to take back the control and find the time to do things that makes me feel good, the things that I do for my own sake and have been put on hold.

A stone of worry…

Been wrestling with doubt and worry for a while now and feel the need to vent a little.

My workplace is sold and the new owners take over on Dec 1st. They do want to keep me on and I think I’ve gotten my salary request through. So far, so good. I am however getting second thoughts. While no contracts are written yet, I have verbally agreed to stay on for a time to help them get settled, despite not really feeling up to it. The reason for this is my initial feeling about the new owners. I liked them. They seemed like people that I could get along well with. But over time that feeling has changed somewhat. I still think that they are nice people, but as time goes on it feels like their attitude is slowly changing, and the way things are going I’m not as sure that it’s going to work out.

For one it feels like a lot of the responsibility in the diner will be put on me – more than I am comfortable with if I’m being honest – because neither of the pair have any clue what they’re doing. None of them can handle the kitchen alone, not to mention the cash registers. Add to that the ordering of food and other things and I smell a complete disaster in the works. And frankly, I’d rather not be caught up in it.

Apart from the whole responsibility thing, I fear that the girl (yes, girl, she’s a year younger than me) that is gonna be the one spending the most time there might be the really bossy type. And though I know that what the boss decides goes, if she starts telling me how to do my job when she’s not able to do it herself, I can’t guarantee that we are not going to clash badly.

As it stands I’ve agreed to stay for a few months for two reasons and two reasons only. To allow myself a little more time to work out what I should do instead, and out of loyalty to our regular customers. I am very fond of them and would be very sorry to see their social meeting place go to ruin. At the same time I am going to be a lot stricter with my limits. My coworkers often berate me for being too kind and keep telling me to say no but that’s not gonna be an issue anymore. There is a big difference between working yourself to the bone to support people that you know and care about, which I actually do with my current bosses, and doing the same for complete strangers. Not even I am that kind and I am done working myself into the ground.

So there’s the situation at the moment, and I can only hope that everything works out for the best.

Feeling Lazy

Today is shaping up to be a complete lazy day. Not that I’m complaining, since I had a rather full day yesterday. I started off meeting mom and a friend of hers for a few hours walk in the forest getting some refreshing time and inspiration-photos. Seriously, I got a few perfect photos to have on hand when writing on Tales of Gaile ^^

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That left me a bit tired and with my knee aching slightly when I had to go in to work for the afternoon and evening, but it was totally worth it!

Working was not much fun though, since I was already tired from three full 12h days before, but I dragged myself through it with coffee and sugar ^^ That always works.

I am feeling it today though… My entire body is sore from the combination of working too much and the long walk in the forest, but that’s what today is for. Resting up. So that’s what I’ll do, sit around doing a lot of nothing ^^

How much is too much?

Before I say anything else I need to get this out there: I am incredibly grateful that I have a job that pays my bills, not everyone is that lucky.
But there are days, more and more frequently, when I find myself wondering if it’s worth it. When I come home late at night after working 11½-13 hours, with a bone-deep ache in my body and completely drained of energy, only to do it all again the next day. The past two weeks or so have been a cycle of working three full days, having one off, and I’m feeling the strain. While my mind is happy to stay a child, my body is quite forcefully reminding me that it no longer belongs to a teenager and can’t handle the break-neck pace it used to. My sleep-schedule is shot, I haven’t been able to sleep a full night, without waking up at least once, in weeks and I’ve lost what little appetite I had. I find myself struggling to keep up with the regulars, my attention drifting more easily than usual and I frequently lose track of what I was doing. Luckily I have a three-day weekend off starting tomorrow, and I’m gonna use it fully to recharge my batteries. Maybe if I sleep for three days this constant tiredness will finally leave. Here’s hoping.

Oh, and have a wonderful Easter everyone!

Darkness of the Mind

When you’ve woken up several days in a row with a nagging and insistent headache, you can more or less figure out from the get-go that the day ahead is not gonna be pleasant. I have yet to be proven wrong.

I like my job most of the time. While it’s mentally and socially draining, leaving me with little to no energy in the evenings, our regulars and my co-workers usually make it worth it.

Then there are days like yesterday. When headache-induced nausea is your constant companion and you (vividly) imagine yourself setting the place on fire just to be able to leave early. When you really want to scratch the eyes out of the head of one of your more annoying regulars, but you’re forced to smile and be polite because that is your damn job.

And days like today is a different beast all together. When you’re planning to sleep in and do nothing for the day, and your phone wakes you up at 7am because your boss has a migraine… Again… She only needed me to cover until 2pm, which is a small blessing because it meant I could take the bus, but it disrupted my day enough that I was exhausted when I got to work. I know that I really shouldn’t have gotten out of bed when people start telling me that I look really tired and start asking me if I’m okay. I have been working with a constant headache for days and nobody noticed a thing, but I can’t hide a slight case of tiredness? That’s definitely not good. I managed to pull myself together when the clock approached noon, but that is too late. It is not something that I usually have to do consciously, it manages itself as soon as opening time approaches, but not days like this. I’m just hoping that I will get my full day off tomorrow, or I’m afraid that our customers will have to be served by a complete zombie and that just isn’t on.

**** this I going back home to bed!

Seriously, this is one of those days when nothing goes right and it’s not even noon yet!
There are few weathers that I dislike driving is more than the fog that has been the past few days (the downpour that soaked me to the skin last night is one) but storm winds top the list. Cue my drive this morning…

And then it came to changing the oil in the deep fryer… It’s not news that me and that damn machine are sworn enemies but today was not actually its fault. I was walking out the door with the full bucket of hot oil and… well, I’m not entrely sure how it happened to be honest. Maybe the wind caught it, maybe my foot when walking down the steps. Either way the oil suddenly made a fountain out of the bucket… I suppose I should count myself lucky that the left hand took the worst of it (though my right wrist took a small amount of damage as well) so I can still use my dominant hand, but I sure as hell don’t feel lucky…

Long story short, today sucks and I would much rather be at home in bed than at work with a hand that won’t stop burning.

I think the world wants to tell me something…

This has not been my day in the very least, and I really just want it to be over… One thing I am fairly sure about is this; I am not supposed to have a scooter what so ever…

My own scooter have been giving me headaches since I bought it more than a year ago, and recently it’s been doing it again; refusing to start as it’s supposed to. My boyfriend is gonna take it in to be fixed tomorrow and I was allowed to borrow my boss’ scooter in the meantime to get to and from work… I was driving it to work today and stopped at the store on the way to buy milk and locked it with the steering-lock. When I got back out and tried to unlock it, it was jammed slightly so I had to use a little bit of force to turn the key… Only, I didn’t unlock the steering-lock when turning the key apparently, and then I couldn’t turn the key back… To make matters worse, when I was fidgeting around with the key, trying to make it turn as it should, I suddenly heard a snap… Yeah, I was standing with half a key in my hand, and the other half was left in the ignition…

I am not prone to panic-attacks, but I have been fighting one off for the past 9 hours or so, to be able to work. I had to call my boss and tell her that I would be late to relieve her, and then call my other boss and tell him what I had managed to do to his scooter… I was moments from hyperventilating when he came and picked me up and drove me to work… He wasn’t angry at me, which somehow made it even worse… It’s one thing when you break your own stuff, but when it is someone else’s it feels a million times worse. So I am really out of sorts tonight and just needed to get this off my chest…

And now I am going to bed to try and get some sleep before somehow getting to work tomorrow morning… Have a good night.